Climbing to a Brand New Year

Ladder to Rooftop

It’s the first day of a brand new year
But there’s nothing extravagant, no out of town vacations or so
Just me flooding with thoughts of last year and the year to come.
What have I accomplished last year?
Any great stuffs or stories to tell?
Yeah, some stuffs here and there that may or may not bore
the lucky or  unlucky person to hear my ramblings.
So, here I went trying to order from the menu of the universe
thinking of things I want to achieve this year.
But thinking so hard makes me sleepy.
Or maybe I’m just thinking harder than I’m supposed to.
So before I end the day soaked with my own mixture of thoughts
I decided to see the sun as it sets on the first day of 2014
with a little challenge – to climb on the rooftop.
I have no trouble with heights, but I sure has one on the thought of falling.
But silly as it sounds, there goes my first challenge of the year.
Thank God nobody saw me in my funny pursuit.
Trying to look cool is the least of my concern at the moment
as I make my way up.
You see, the ladder we got isn’t the safest one you’ll ever want.
But it’s good enough to get there as long as I’ll conquer the fear.
As I finally succeed in getting there, heart shaking,
Seeing the 360 degree view of the sky is very rewarding.
As I lay there I could see the birds fly over me.
Seeing nothing but blue and orange and the cool breeze is ecstatic.
This is what every sociable introverts  like me want from time to time –
a place for peaceful isolation, a sanctuary.
As I greet the setting sun, I saw the first star of the night.
I thought that the star resides on a great height.
To conquer heights, you must conquer your fears of falling.
You cannot go up if you are too afraid of falling down.
“I can do that too.”
And then there goes the hardest part – going down.
I’m just glad nobody’s around to witness
my astounding awkward way of going down.
But it’s all worth it.
Many challenges awaits on this brand new year.
Yes, I am scared to fail…but it doesn’t matter.
If the prize of failing and trying is succeeding.

Happy New Year everyone!

~ Melonaide

Rooftop Sketch

Rooftop Sketch

I still can’t find the inspiration to draw. But at least, I thought I should find something to post and hopefully I’ll get the momentum back. I searched on my old journals and found this one sketch of the rooftop. I always go to the rooftop whenever I like. There are no forests or fields where I can roam around by myself freely to find some inspiration from nature in our small town. Although I am currently employed in a job that deals with people, I actually value and enjoy my “alone time.” I’ll definitely burn out without this personal space. Since I don’t have a place to go where I can be in touch with nature nearby where I can be alone with nobody looking at this weird person in deep thought, I just go to our home’s rooftop and satisfy my need for peace. I lay down to look at the sky for like half an hour before sunset after work. Sometimes I even fall asleep there. I just love how vast the sky is compared to how small the space I live and work in. Maybe I should just go live in the faraway forest and plant crops in there. haha.  No matter what time of the day it is, the sky is so nice to look at. It’s one of the reasons I don’t remember how to go from place to place because I always just stare at the sky from the window of the bus or any other vehicle. Well, I love the rains too, I just hate it when the sky is fully grey. It rather looks gloomy.

The sketch above was made in 2007. I just graduated from college then and was just about to take the Board Exam (which I passed :D). It was a dark year for me, the reason why…I don’t wish to disclose because it’s meant to be forgotten. I know the view isn’t that great neither the drawing, but you know I dared myself to just use pen in that drawing. I am very much used to using pencils first and then pen so that I can erase errors. At the back of that drawing I wrote this:

This morning I was thinking of “being the best.”
But I learned of someone trying to be the best only gaining insecurity.
I don’t want that, neither overconfidence.
Who cares anyway?
It’s so bothersome trying and being the best.
And who has the right to decide who’s the best?
Definitely not me nor anyone.
So, this afternoon, I decided that:
I won’t try to be the best; rather, I’ll give my own best.
It is not what I earn that matters…it is what I share.

– Melody

This is the reason why I like to keep journals. Sometimes the inspiration you seek might come from your past self. We sometimes forget the reason that motivates us, the reason why we’re doing something. When we have walked a bit far from our starting point, other stuffs cloud our own dreams or initial motivations. And because of that we can easily get off the track, or doubt if what we do amounts to anything relevant. Something like “keeping in touch with yourself” is also important as checking our mobile phones for text messages or checking our mailboxes for new mails.

So maybe, why not try having a good chat with yourself? Make sure nobody else can hear you! But most importantly, have fun! lol 😀
Have a great day!

~ Melonaide